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Tuesday, June 20, 2006



A stealth redirect will be installed here in 1 week.

A week later, this blog will be closed down.


Posted at 04:33 am by rainbeau
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Saturday, June 17, 2006
Silly Putty Rocks

I got Silly Putty for my birthday, and I have to say. Silly Putty rocks!!

Posted at 10:32 pm by rainbeau
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Thursday, June 15, 2006
"Ahhh your my best friend"

Among several other thoughts than ran through my mind while I was under the influence of nitrous oxide, the one that stands out the most is my minds ramblings about the "degrees" of friendship.

Somehow in our up bringing, we are taught that, no matter how many friends you may have, there is always "The BEST friend".  Do you ever feel guilty because you don't know how to "categorize" your friendship with someone? It's ridiculous. I have so many friends. Are we expected to prioritize our affection?  Are we really expected to love people based on some imaginary scale? 

The other afternoon my friend Jaeson stopped by my office. We had a great conversation about friendship. It was like an epiphany for me. I said to him " I don't make friends. I fall in love." I had never said those words before. I had never really analyzed the subject. Yet I found the words falling from my lips as though I had known this all my life.  But, it's the truth. All the great relationships in my life have been love at first sight.  Meaning, there isn't really a "warming up period".  You are in or you are not.  Maybe that sounds crappy, but I also have a philosophy that, I am not willing to waste my time if it isn't forever.  I don't have time for strays. That being said...

...what is the basis for a great friendship? Commonalities? Contradictions? 

And what makes any one friend more "important" than another?   Does time and space diminish the friendship?  Do we place value on our friends based on what they can give us? 

I am blessed with so many people in my life that love me. How do I choose "the best"  It seems so silly, so sophomoric. And yet it is something we carry through out all our lives.

I have more than one best friend. All for different reasons.

Who is your best friend?  And why?

Posted at 09:35 pm by rainbeau
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Laughing gas, friendship and refried beans.

I went to the oral surgeon today to have 2 more teeth extracted. I opted to be completely knocked out this time. I have had this procedure done too many times, but never more than one at a time. I really didn't want to be coherent for 2. Anyway, I picked up Steph at around 8:30 and headed to the dentists office. We got there just a few minutes early, and I got taken in fairly quickly.  After getting settled in the chair, one of the nurses hooked me up with some oxygen. It smelled sweet and helped to clear the headache that I woke up with. After about 5 minutes she informed me that she was turning on the laughing gas. "Let me know if it is too much" she said. (Yeah right) LOL  Just as I was saying to myself  nothing's happening, it kicked in. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Ahhhhh yeah, this is nice. Damn, I forgot how much I love the stuff!!! I was really enjoying the ride, but was truly and honestly thinking Damn, I wish Berg could be in here sharing this with me. For those of you who know us and have been around us when we are 'on fire', you could only imagine what THAT would be like. LOL

  A few minutes go by and the Doc comes in "How you doing?"  Oh, I'm just peachy  "well good. We are going to give you a few minutes to let the gas kick in."  Oh it's kicking doc. "(chuckles and grins) OK, well I will be back in just a bit to get your I.V. in ok?"  (Slowly and contentedly) Okelee dokelee.  He came back, just a bit too soon for me (hehehe) and proceeds to go over step by step exactly what he is doing "OK, now I am going to wrap this band around your arm to help your veins show themselves," Mmmhmm. "now you squeeze your hand into a fist and I am going to lightly slap the inside of your elbow to help coax them out."  "Now, I am just wiping the area with some alcohol, so it's going to feel wet and cold." (this time, to myself . LOL OK doc, seriously I get it. "Now, your going to feel a little pinch as I get the needle in"  No problem.  I didn't even know, didn't feel it.  "OK, now we are going to give you something to make you feel even happier."  (again to myself) Yeah!? Cool!! 

 I was still waiting for this to happen, when I was woken by the nurse who informed me they were all done. Wow. It's such an odd sensation. I wonder if that is what it is like to be hypnotized. Funny thing though. I had continued thought process through the whole thing. Last time I was put under, I had a definite "blackout". Not this time, this time my brain was still babbling on. At first I didn't really remember want I had been thinking about, but as the day has progressed, I am beginning to remember. But thats another blog.

  OK, so now the nurse helps me to my feet and we go into the recovery closet and she asks me who brought me. I was trying to say Steph, but apparently I wasn't getting it out right. (Mouth full of gauze and numb all over) So I finally said "Berg, just ask for Berg".  So Steph comes back to see me and he and the nurse help me to sit up right. Steph asks me how I'm doing and all I can say is "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse"  I guess you had to be there, but with all the gauze stuffed in my mouth, it was just all I could think of.  More jokes were made, and Steph ribs me for making the nurse call him Berg. LOL

The nurse then gives Steph the aftercare papers and tells him what they say. (Cuz I am not going to remember) Then he drove me back to my house. I thought I was pretty lucid at the time, but I only remember about 3/4 of the drive. Anyway, we got back here and I swallowed some pain meds and the antibiotics they prescribed ( I have a heart murmur, so the antibiotics are a precaution)  The Berg and I had some pretty good conversation, about life and friendship, and how wonderful it is that we are the friends we are. And how great it is to see our circle grow.  It was a very sweet and slightly misty conversation between 2 people that love one another.

Steph then generously got me some refried beans and rice from Taco Bueno, and he had some tacos. Lynette came by to get Steph around 1:15 or so and I took another pain med and crashed on the couch.

So, it sucks to lose more teeth. But, all in all, knowing I have such great friends, that will always take care of me when I really need it, makes it not so bad. Besides I got good drugs out of the deal! LOL I'm so predictable.

Oh I failed to mention, I went in my polka dotted Wonder Bread (tm) pyamas.

Posted at 05:19 pm by rainbeau
Comments (1)  

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Wow. Saturday night was a total blast! After a good old American feast of hot dogs and hamburgers, we all went out on the patio to indulge in our right to party. (Beastie Boys said so) Boy did we ever excersize our rights. We made up stupid shit, sang some songs and had a whole lot of laughs.  I don't remember going to bed, but I do remember waking up at 11 a.m. and feeling like someone kicked me in the gut and smashed me in the head. Not to mention the dizziness and nausea. I went back to bed and crawled up around 3 p.m. feeling much better. Man, I haven't put a hurtin on myself like that in a very very long time.  And i don't plan on doing it again anytime soon.

But MAN we had fun!!!!


Posted at 09:55 am by rainbeau
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Thursday, June 08, 2006
To blog or not to blog

Has this ever happened to you?


Posted at 12:43 pm by rainbeau
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Tuesday, May 30, 2006
We never even cut the water melon.

Had a BBQ on Sunday. We had such a great time! At least I think we did. I know I did. I hope everyone did.  We cued 3 big ol slabs of meat and had beans, bread, deviled eggs and the obligatory veggie trays. Surprisingly, most of the veggies got eaten which is kind of unusual.

All the usual suspects attended, Steph and Lynette and their three teens. Lauren, Heather and Nathan. Megan came down from Kansas. Lashell made it just as we sat down to eat and it made the evening perfectly well rounded. After dinner we all sat out on the patio with our respective drinks and "did the weirds". We played hangman, drew silly (not to mention disgusting) pictures and made up silly songs. We laughed and carried on. Just like the good old days. I had gone out and found a seeded water melon so that we could have a seed spitting contest, but we got too busy being stupid, that we never even cut the water melon. Oh well!! Thanks everybody for making this weekend so fun and memorable!!

Posted at 09:44 am by rainbeau
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Thursday, May 25, 2006
Swords or shields

There is someone in my past that has sprung to thought quite a lot lately. He and I were so close once. There was a time when we did everything together. We loved one another passionately, yet for some reason felt the constant need to tear one another down.

 For the most part we were pretty good at building back up again.  But after years of mutual abuse, it had become tiresome and (not without prompting) I finally walked away. Figuratively tearing my shirt and having done with him. That was 8 years ago.

Though he and I have seen one another once since then, and even made an attempt to undo the damage, at the time it all seemed too little too late. But now I find myself wanting to reconnect. Not to bring things back to the way they were. That is neither possible nor desirable. But rather to open up a dialog with him once again.  Start fresh.

 We are both now pushing 40. We were both teenagers when we met. 2 wounded souls grasping to make sense of this crappy, wonderful, hellishly sweet little world we live in.   We both made a lot of mistakes.  But, how does one forget years of love, laughter and devotion?  Am I mistaken? Am I a fool? Will it be too much to hope for? 

As an adult, looking back, I realize now that it wasn't swords with which we chose to battle, but shields.

If you are reading this PTB, I would like to finally put down the defenses and get to know YOU. 


Posted at 10:07 am by rainbeau
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Wednesday, May 24, 2006
The latest on the visit
Beau talked to his mom last night, and it turns out that she will be coming here with em. (Thats my step daughter) They will be coming on or around the 5th of July and leaving on the 10th. Only 5 days. *sigh*  I'm so weird. As nervous and apprehensive as I had become about this, and I am so disappointed that the visit will be so short. Also, as much as I love Beau's mom, I was kinda hoping for a little exclusivity. But, Beau and I talked last night, and he made a good point. For all intents and purposes, Em really doesn't know either one of us. She is close to her grandmother and this way she will be comfortable having someone she knows with her. This will be the door opening for future visits. I am so thrilled that Beau and Em have this chance to reconnect. It has been a long time coming and I just have all the optimism in the world that this is the new and fresh start they have both been needing for so long.

Posted at 08:08 am by rainbeau
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Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Big changes ahead

Beau got a message from his mother last night, that she has talked to Beaus ex and that arrangements have been made for his daughter to come stay with us. When and for how long we don't know yet. She turned 15 today and I don't know what to expect. I don't know her at all. Needless to say I am a bit apprehensive. Don't get me wrong, I am really looking forward to meeting her and getting to know her. I just don't have room in my life for teenage drama and conflict. With the diabetes, the ongoing toe healing and now I found out I have advanced periodontal disease and will need to have 2 more of my teeth extracted. I am already doing 95% of all the housework, I do most of the cooking and work full time. I'm tired allot and don't feel so great much of the time.  There will be some adjustment and changes in our life. Whether she stays for 2 weeks or 2 months or even 2 years. I have always been a dynamic person by nature, but at the same time I have become pretty content with the routine in my life.


Posted at 09:38 am by rainbeau
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